Swap!

Exchange, change, trade, switch, substitute….

If you haven’t guessed already I had my swap surgery about 2 weeks ago. It went very well. I was originally supposed to stay overnight but I was allowed to come home the same day :) It was a much easier surgery and no drains!!! I never even asked the doctor if I would have drains, I just assumed that I would. I was very happy to be wrong. Like I said it went very well. I wasn’t even that uncomfortable when I got home. Of course I was taking pain pills! I could definitely tell the expanders were gone. The implants are much more comfortable, softer. I was required to wear the very attractive and oh so uncomfortable compression bra yippie! I was told to leave it intact until my follow up appointment in one week :( This was disappointing…I wanted to see how they looked sooooooooo after a few days I peeked hee hee. I just kinda pulled different areas of the bra away from the boobs. I couldn’t really see that much but I could see that the cleavage was much nicer (not as wide). I was disappointed to see there was still some extra skin on each side. Hubby seemed to think it was just swelling. I went for my follow up and got to take the bra off. When I told him that I hadn’t really seen them yet he asked why. I told him that the discharge nurse said not to take the bra off. He said well they are yours you are allowed to look at them! Hahaha! Upon examination there was still swelling but there also is some extra skin. Dr. Jiffy Boob told me I need to massage it every day. I did some research and read that after about six weeks everything should fall into place so to speak. I’ve already noticed improvement since last week. I have to do my stretching exercises again. I’ve lost some range of motion. He gave me the green light to use my 3 lb weights while walking on the treadmill. I’m so glad to be able to exercise again. I’m tired of being a couch potato. I’ve got to get these arms into shape for the tank top summer coming up. What am I saying…I’m already wearing tank tops. I’ve started taking the tamoxifen and I am having hot hot hot flashes (I’m having one right now). I don’t know how I’m going to get through all the baseball games. I go back to see Dr. Jiffy Boob next week. Hopefully he will be happy with my settling process. I hope everything falls into place…I don’t want to have more surgery…but I will if I have to. I’ve gone through a lot for these Ta Ta’s. I want them to look their best.

Speaking of baseball, B has his first scrimmage game today on the high schools brand new turf field. I am so excited but I know I’m going to have to dress in layers. The high today is 41 and it is always very windy at the field. I have to dress warm but when I have hot flashes it will be awful. I’ll be peeling layers off and then putting them back on only to peel them off again. I know one thing for sure, I won’t be wearing my wig. I don’t want it to blow off :) Hats are the plan for baseball games. J went on his spring baseball trip to FL. The team did very well, 6-2. He has a double header today (away). His first home game is Friday. I’m looking forward to going to that.

My hair is starting to grow back. It is still very fine like peach fuzz. So far it is still dark Yeah! So many people have told me that their hair came back all gray. I already had some gray hair so I know that will be back and I did dye it and will dye it again as soon as I have too!!! The hair on my legs is also coming back. I have to shave about once a week. So far no armpit hair!!! I wouldn’t mind if that didn’t come back!

Well I’m going to relax before the game….GO TEAM(s)
xoxo

Looking Back!

Yesterday it was 6 months since I received my biopsy results. In some ways it feels longer than that. So many tears at first. The recovery from the surgery is foggy but went very well and seemed to go quickly (I'm sure the pain medication helped). I think the chemo is what made it feel so long. That was just awful. Looking back it really did go quickly. Some people have a much longer more difficult road with their cancer. I know I still have another stretch of road to getting my strength and energy back. There will also be the recovery from the swap surgery but I think and pray that that will be easier than the mastectomy surgery. It certainly is more exciting. If I had a choice I would certainly choose no cancer over new perky boobs but if I have to have cancer I’ll take the new perky boobs too :) I have learned some things too. I always knew that my family was wonderful. They have taken such good care of me and given me so much love and support. My heart breaks for people who do not have family in good and bad times. I have been surprised to learn some things about friendship. There are the close, very good friends who have been so wonderful and supportive. There are the close, very good friends who I really thought would be there for me but have seemed to disappear. I don’t blame them for this. Cancer is a very difficult thing to face for many reasons and not just for the person who has it. I will always consider them friends and if they reappear I will welcome them back with open arms. There are the friends who maybe you haven’t known as long or been as close to that surprise you with so much love and support. Then there are the new friends who I have been so fortunate to meet. Who I would have not had the opportunity to know if I hadn’t had cancer. Some of them will be my friends forever. Some I may never see again but we shared some time together and shared our experiences. I will always consider them friends and I will remember them forever. Now that I am a survivor I look forward to spending more time with all my wonderful family and friends and making even more friends along the way.
xoxo

Think Again

(This post will appear on both my blogs…so if you follow both you only need to read this one today :)

The bad days after chemo continued with all the aches and pains and constant diarrhea, bleeding, and fistula problems. On Sunday my temperature was back up to 101.5 and my heart rate was high. My hubby called the oncologist on call and he of course wanted me to go to the emergency room. So off I went thinking they would draw some blood, check me out, and send me home…Think again!!! Not only was my temp. and heart rate elevated, my blood pressure was high also. Their major concerns were of course infection. They put me on a heart monitor, drew lots of blood, started me on fluids, and did a chest x-ray. The next concern was “did the chemo flare the crohns?” If you haven’t guessed already they admitted me. They said they wanted to keep an eye on me for the next 24 hours. They gave me an IV antibiotic and settled me into a room and hung an isolation sign on the door…no germs in…no germs out! They increased the dose of Flagel. Clear liquids only and a pelvic CT Scan in the morning. They also hung another sigh behind me to alert other nurses



A precaution due to the lack of lymph nodes in both upper arms

I got absolutely no sleep that night. My IV pump (aka Fabio)





KAS don't look at the next picture :)




was SO LOUD. If I had something nearby resembling a baseball bat I would have beat the crap out of it. Around 4:00am I finally just turned the TV on. Early Monday I had my CT Scan and was expecting to get some real food but they still had me on clear liquids. When the GI from my group who was doing rounds and who I didn’t like at all came in (not my GI by the way) she was #1 rude to my husband and #2 gave me a hard time about letting me have a general or even a soft diet. Lets see…you want the diarrhea to go away but if all that goes in is liquid then ummmm what do you think is going to come out??? Besides that I know my body better than anyone esp. someone who has only looked at me for 5 minutes. I could see if I were in pain or had no appetite. She finally agreed to let me try a general diet and if things got worse I would have to go back to liquids. So she leaves and guess what??? She doesn’t write the order for a general diet. The nurse was wonderful. She kept trying to call and get an order. Of course the beotch would not call back. Four calls and hours later another doctor from the group called back and gave her the order. He said start with a general and if I have a problem tweak it. THANK YOU. In the mean time many other doctors came in, my PCP, the infectious disease doctor, and oncologist who all agreed I needed to stay another day. My white count was high but that was most likely due to the chemo. My potassium was low so they gave me some to drink :( Now if you’ve never had liquid potassium you’re lucky because it tastes like crap. After gagging my way through I got about ¾’s of it down.

Fluids, fluids, and more fluids = lots of peeing. Hubby brought me my iPod so that I could plug my ears with Christmas music during the night (to drown out Fabio). It worked…I slept very well. Tuesday was another full day of IV fluids. Fabio and I are becoming very close…he follows me around everywhere. They are still waiting on blood work results to rule out certain infections. The GI beotch doctor hasn’t been back, just her PA who is very nice. They are leaning towards this not being a crohns flare but just a bad time with the chemo. But just to be sure they want me to have a pelvic ultrasound tomorrow…yes another night with Fabio. The fluids have been very helpful. I haven’t had any muscle or bone pain since they started them. I definitely was severely dehydrated. I slept well again with my Christmas music. Wednesday morning I went down for the ultrasound. It turns out the CT Scan showed a little something something near the uterus and they wanted a closer look. Well if they would have said something I could have told them it was probably the same little something they saw on my CT Scan in the spring which turned out to be fluid in my fallopian tube…that’s exactly what it was. The infectious disease doctor came in and said I was negative for all the infections they were testing for but thought they might keep me for a few more days. NOOOOOOOO. My oncologist came in and decided that she did not want me to have the port put in. She is going to reduce the dose of chemo and have me come in early that day and if I appear to be dehydrated again they will give me fluids and if need be more fluids between then and the next chemo. If however I have another bad time with the chemo they will probably not do anymore. Then my PCP came in and said I could go home YAY. I got myself dressed and waited for my discharge instructions and the nurse says your potassium is still low so after I get that for you you can go. NOOOOOOO…she comes back with a pill…are you kidding me…this comes in a pill??? Where was your stupid pill a few days ago when I was gagging??? I took it and then on my way to Home Sweet Home!!!

Xoxoxo
Love, Laugh, and Always know where the nearest bathroom is

Look Ma…No Drains!!!

I saw the plastic surgeon on Tuesday and to my surprise he removed both drains. I really expected to have them in for at least one more week. He said everything looked good and he will start filling me up next week. I think I shall start calling his office Jiffy Boob :) He said everything else looks good. I am allowed to start getting the incisions wet which means real showers. I’ve been very excited about that. It feels so good to let the hot water run everywhere. It still hurts under my arms where the drains went in but thankfully it did not hurt at all when he pulled them out. Unfortunately I am still not allowed to use deodorant and soap and water does not seem to do anything to get rid of the smell. So far no one is complaining and I’m sure it bothers me more than anyone; after all I can’t get away from it. I also haven’t shaved my armpits so I feel very European :/ The overall pain is significantly less. It has become a very strange feeling. I am completely numb from the shoulder blades down to mid rib cage and armpit to armpit. That area also feels very hard to the touch. I think that might be due to the expanders. Even though the area is numb it feels like I have a very tight bra across the front or a board taped to my chest. I guess you could now say I am flat as a board lol. I also have a lot of extra skin stitched back toward my armpits. This skin will be used during the expanding process. This skin is numb also and feels very strange especially when I bring my arms forward or down on it. This will be a very interesting process. I’ve looked at my chest many times since that first peek. It looks very strange and ugly to me. I’ve heard that it is very upsetting for some women to see how it looks and the reality of their breasts being gone. I really haven’t experienced those feelings, not yet anyway. When I look at my chest and my incisions I don’t just see that my breasts are gone, more importantly I see and I know that the cancer is gone. That is what is most important. That is why I chose to do it this way.

For updates on my Crohns Disease journey go to:
http://crohnsliveswithme.blogspot.com/

Bye Bye Cancer, Bye Bye Boobs

Cancer free, cancer free, it’s great to be cancer free!!!

Well I am officially cancer free (and for the moment boob free). My expanders are in place and I think I will be starting the filling process in a few weeks. I had my follow up appointment with the breast surgeon yesterday (which went well, more on that below) and I will see the plastic surgeon on Tuesday (I will be sure to let you know how that goes). During my short hospital stay they were very happy with how I was healing. Most of my pain has been in the armpit area (where the lymph nodes were removed) and where the drains are. I don’t remember a whole lot about my hospital stay except that my wonderful family was by my side the whole time. My hubby spent both nights with me which was a good thing because he spent most of that time scratching my itchy spots about every 30 seconds. The anesthesia and the morphine made me so itchy. During the day I felt like Cleopatra only instead of people on either side of me fanning they were scratching.

My surgery was Friday and I came home Sunday. Kind of quick but I was happy to go home until I got very car sick. That made for a horrible day. The doctor called in a script that was very helpful. Since then I have had good days and bad days. I think the pain medication makes me feel light headed and nauseous some times (not to mention giving me CRAZY dreams). Not having the full use of my arms is not much fun and very hard. I don’t have much range of motion right now. I have started doing my exercises so that should help. Showers are an interesting experience since the plastic surgeon doesn’t want me to get my incisions wet yet. I am not the most pleasant smelling person these days either. I am not allowed to use deodorant yet…blah. I can barely stand the smell of myself. My hubby, sister, and sister in law have spent the week taking care of me plus lots of company from family. Family and friends have also sent over lots of food which has been very helpful.

Right now I have a lot of numb areas. The most uncomfortable thing is the drains. I can’t wait to get those out. That will be up to the plastic surgeon.

I hadn’t looked at my boob-less chest yet and I was thinking of waiting till Halloween to check it out (I thought that would be appropriate :) but then I thought I better look before I see the breast surgeon in case I had any questions. Before I looked I imagined the worst thing I could. The reality was a little worse. Mainly all the extra skin. It doesn't bother me tho. As I said it is great to be cancer free. This of course will also improve as the plastic surgeon does his thing.

Speaking of the breast surgeon my appointment with him went well. The skin and incisions look very good. When you have breast tissue removed the surgeon leaves the skin very thin and sometimes the skin can die which makes the skin turn black. I have almost no areas of black. He said there may be some near the incision but it is hard to tell with all the steri-strips. The pathology is back. The tumor was a little bigger than they thought, 3cm not 2. The left side breast tissue and sentinel lymph nodes were all clear. One of the sentinel nodes on the right had a micro metastasis (a very small cluster of cancer cells, not enough to warrant going back in to take the rest of the nodes out). This will most likely change the chemo treatment a bit. I have an appointment with the Oncologist scheduled for November 12th. I will let you know how that goes too.

Firsts and Lasts

The past couple months have been full of firsts and lasts. After I got the call telling me “Yes I have cancer”, even though it certainly had been there for some time, I started thinking about firsts. This is the first time I’ve been in my bathroom with cancer. (Yes I answered the phone in the bathroom but I was just doing my hair so don’t get all ewwww on me. You know you do it too. Where else would a person with Crohns disease be lol) Anyway this is the first time I’ve seen so and so with cancer. This is the first time I’ve gone to the high school with cancer. This is the first time I’ve been in the grocery store with cancer.

Now I’m going through the lasts. This is the last time I talk to so and so with cancer. Yesterday was the last time I’d go to the high school and grocery store with cancer. Ironically last Sunday was the first time I watched B play baseball with cancer and the last time I would watch him play baseball with cancer. On Friday I will be saying goodbye to Sugar and Spice (no I did not always have names for my boobs I just figured I should name them before they are gone). Sugar (used as a term of endearment) is the one on the left w/out cancer, kind and sweet. Spice (a pungent odor or fragrance (often used before a noun) is the one on the right with cancer, mean and brassy (brightly dressed in a cheap and showy way, and behaving too confidently or noisily). I kinda wish I did have names for them, if only to have a more personal relationship with them. Naaaaaaaa. I think tho I should have a more personal relationship with my new perky boobs. Maybe you can help me name them ;) Well regardless in a few days these boobs will be gone and when I’m feeling up to it I will let you know how everything went and how my hospital stay was (and all its diversions – Lucy: Sense and Sensibility) I just love Jane Austen and I think I will be reading and watching a lot during my recovery.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Even though I’ve always thought I knew exactly what I would want to do if I got breast cancer - bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction. A prosthesis would be fine. Then when I was faced with the actual diagnose I found myself wondering what I should do. My first question was “your boobs or your life” hence the title of this blog. The one thing I did know was that if I chose to have a lumpectomy or just one breast removed I would constantly worry that the cancer would come back in the same breast or the other one. Bilateral mastectomy it is. Now the question: to reconstruct or not to reconstruct. I’m very well endowed so I think it would be very shocking to go from that to nothing. I would much rather have a little something so yes to reconstruction. I am going to downsize though.

I’ve been doing a lot of research. Trying to get some idea of what to expect post-op. I’ve come across a lot of helpful information about the surgery, drains, expanders, and even what to take to the hospital with me. (The surgeon said that I could be in for 2 or 3 days.) As a matter of fact I have already started packing a bag. I need to go shopping for some stuff like pj’s that button down the front. I have lots of comfy slipper socks. I know the hospital ones are lovely but I’ll pass. I must remember my chap stick…I cannot live without my chap stick. I also have this spray that is the same idea as dry shampoo. I’ve used it before and it works very well. I don’t know if I’ll feel much like eating but I may throw a few snacks in there in case I get hungry in between the tasty hospital meals. If anyone out there has any other good idea’s please share.

Once I’m home I plan on watching a lot of movies and reading all the books I have sitting around that I haven’t gotten to yet. I guess I’ll be spending a lot of time in my bedroom at first so I’m going to make sure I have everything I need at my fingertips.

Here are some other tips I found on a great blog http://losingmyboobs.com/
Baby wipes – to freshen up
moisturizer, and a brumisateur
Altoids
electric toothbrush
comfy blanket
iPod or MP3 player
cell phone