I'm predicting a healthy 2012

It's a new year and while I have never been a "new years resolution" kinda gal I am determined to set some goals for this new year. At the top of my list is to stay healthy :) I'm off to a good start being cancer free YAY! My Crohns beast has been calm lately and other than still being tired all the time I've been feeling good. Our Christmas and New Years were wonderful but I'm still exhausted from all the fun. I feel like I should have all my energy back but I don't. So I want to start eating healthier and exercising more. I've put on a few pounds and I'd like to take them off :) The one thing I've noticed is that having these perky fake boobs makes the rest of me look...well...not so perky. So its time to try to firm up some of these other areas :) Another incentive is to help hubby and my boys be healthier too.

Now about my hair...I've been trying to decide what to do with it. It is growing in so nice and thick and curly. Its about 3 inches long now. I have mostly worn my hair long. I like being able to pull it back and wear it up. My hair was wavy so I use to straighten it everyday. This short curly hair has spoiled me because I don't have to do anything but fluff and go. Then there is the matter of the hot flashes...during a hot flash this 3 inches of hair is so hot and its winter time. The summer will be even worse. (last summer I was bald and hot) If I let it get long I would probably only be able to wear it up. Just the thought of it makes me hot. But I love having long hair!!! Oh what to do what to do. I guess I'll start searching online for some different styles. Yep that sounds like a good place to start.

...and its official now...we have new health insurance so the hunt begins for new doctors. I will need a new breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, possibly a new oncologist, and a new GI doctor. More research to do. Wish me luck.

xoxo

My other Dr. K

I had my follow up with my plastic surgeon (my other Dr. K) We are both very happy with the reconstruction so far. There are some "final touches" I could have done but right now I have no desire to have more surgery and if I do decide to have the "final touches" done in the future I will have to find a new surgeon. Yes I am losing him too. Yes he also recommended a new doctor for me sooooo we shall see. I'm sure all the new doctors will be wonderful...I'm just not looking forward to starting over.

I did go out and buy myself some new bras woo hoo!!! Now that the implants have settled in and all swelling is gone my old bras are WAY tooooo big. Of course I don't have to wear one. I don't need support anymore. These babies hold themselves up :) (I still worry that gravity will make these ones sag eventually too). The bras do give me a nicer shape. Not that the shape is bad. He really did a great job compared to some of the pictures I've seen during my research. No one else seems to notice the uneven areas that I think are obvious. The bra also makes me feel feminine hahaha how silly does that sound hahaha.

xoxo

Looking Back!

Yesterday it was 6 months since I received my biopsy results. In some ways it feels longer than that. So many tears at first. The recovery from the surgery is foggy but went very well and seemed to go quickly (I'm sure the pain medication helped). I think the chemo is what made it feel so long. That was just awful. Looking back it really did go quickly. Some people have a much longer more difficult road with their cancer. I know I still have another stretch of road to getting my strength and energy back. There will also be the recovery from the swap surgery but I think and pray that that will be easier than the mastectomy surgery. It certainly is more exciting. If I had a choice I would certainly choose no cancer over new perky boobs but if I have to have cancer I’ll take the new perky boobs too :) I have learned some things too. I always knew that my family was wonderful. They have taken such good care of me and given me so much love and support. My heart breaks for people who do not have family in good and bad times. I have been surprised to learn some things about friendship. There are the close, very good friends who have been so wonderful and supportive. There are the close, very good friends who I really thought would be there for me but have seemed to disappear. I don’t blame them for this. Cancer is a very difficult thing to face for many reasons and not just for the person who has it. I will always consider them friends and if they reappear I will welcome them back with open arms. There are the friends who maybe you haven’t known as long or been as close to that surprise you with so much love and support. Then there are the new friends who I have been so fortunate to meet. Who I would have not had the opportunity to know if I hadn’t had cancer. Some of them will be my friends forever. Some I may never see again but we shared some time together and shared our experiences. I will always consider them friends and I will remember them forever. Now that I am a survivor I look forward to spending more time with all my wonderful family and friends and making even more friends along the way.
xoxo

Good Days and Bad Ones

I had a very busy couple days this week…since we last talked I’ve had my second jiffy boob appointment. The second fill went well. He didn’t pour the saline all over me this time :) I can definitely see some puffy little boobs forming. However one is filling up higher than the other :/ I know this is normal and they will eventually match. I still can’t really feel anything but some tightness while he is filling. Fortunately my right side is numb where the port is so the needle doesn’t hurt going in. Unfortunately the left side isn’t numb and does hurt blah. After this fill there seems to be a little less skin under the arms so that is more comfortable. I still have a hard time sleeping and found that sleeping on the living room couch is the most comfortable for now.

Last week I called to make my next appointment with the oncologist (she wanted to see me a week after my PET CT) but her office said she wasn’t available till the 12th of December. She (the doctor) called me back that afternoon and said to come to her office right after my PET CT and she would squeeze me in even if they had to page her during her rounds. She said she wanted to keep a close watch over me and boy is she. I haven’t even started my chemo yet! I had my PET CT on Wed. (the 24th) which took about an hour and a half then I went to see the oncologist. I was surprised to get in quickly but I had to wait a long time because she wanted to get the results of the PET CT before I left. They didn’t have a preliminary report ready so she called and told them she wanted it read NOW. We waited for them to call back and Praise the Lord it was clear. I am so relieved.

My blood work showed that my iron is low so I have to go on Monday and Thursday for an iron infusion. I also have to have the picc-line put in ASAP. I tried to schedule that when I got home from my appointment but they were gone and closed till after the holiday. They won’t be back in the office till Monday. I called the oncologists office and they are going to call on Monday to get it set up. The plan is to get all that done next week and start the chemo on December 6th. She wrote out all my scripts which included the Flagel for the fistula, a drug for nausea, the steroid to take the day before the day of and the day after the chemo, some Ativan to help me relax, and a cranial prosthesis aka wig :/ So that was a very very long day and by the time I got home I was so exhausted and in a good bit of pain. This upset me a lot because it was my babies 18th birthday and I was not able to celebrate it at all. I was curled up in a ball on my couch and the more I thought about it the more upset I got. If all that wasn’t bad enough I started to cry and hoped that B didn’t hear me but he did. He sat and hugged me for a while and that helped a lot but I still felt so bad that I couldn’t celebrate and on top of that I was sitting there crying. Hubby did go get him a cake and we sort of sang (he didn’t really want us to) and then we had cake. That horrible day was followed by Thanksgiving. J was home from school and I felt better but not great. Wonderful hubsie cooked the entire dinner (thankfully he is a good cook ;) and it was wonderful. Then the four of us watched some movies including Elf (one of my favorite Christmas movies). It was a wonderful day! I know I will continue to have good days and bad days but no matter what type of day I am also counting my blessings!!!

And now I’ve started my Christmas shopping….on-line of course! Oh and the Pre-lit Christmas tree is up…now I just need to get it decorated…any volunteers :)

Trip to Jiffy Boob (and other firsts)

I had my first outing (that didn’t involve a doctor) on Sunday. I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping because I’m just not able to get comfortable. I am a side sleeper but it is not comfortable to sleep on my side and sleeping on my stomach is out of the question. I hate sleeping flat on my back so we went shopping for a wedge for the bed. I also got a good electric razor. With fewer lymph nodes I don’t want to risk cutting myself with a straight razor. After that I went in search of some flat slip on shoes. In order to be comfortable when I go out I’ve been wearing long button down shirts with leggings but I didn’t really have a nice pair of flats that look nice with them. While I was at the shoe store I not only found a nice pair of flats I also found two pairs of cute boots (like ughs). A black pair that is mid calf and a tan pair that goes just above the ankle. I bought them both :) hee hee. Sunday night I tried the wedge with a pillow but that hurt my neck. So I tried without the pillow but that hurt my neck also. I got my wrap around neck pillow (for traveling) and that worked great. I finally got a good night’s sleep.

I had my first jiffy boob appointment Tuesday. I was kind of nervous not knowing what to expect and also excited to take the first step toward my new perky boobs. The nurse came in first to explain the process and to mark the spot where the port is. She used a Magna-Finder to locate the magnetic port and marked it with an x. She used a topical anesthetic to numb the area. After about 10 minutes the Dr. came in and explained that it might feel cold and or a tight feeling. If it gets uncomfortable let him know. He used a needle to enter the port on the right (I didn’t even feel the needle go in) and with a long tube and large syringe he started injecting the saline. I felt this very cold sensation. I told him wow that is cold, it feels like you are pouring it all over me. He looked down and said “Oh I am…well that’s never happened before…the connecting piece at the syringe was loose”. Lol After he fixed that he injected the saline. It seemed like he put a lot in before it started to feel tight. He did the left side next. I did feel the needle pinch on this side. After he was done I could see a puffy area on both sides but mostly on the left. It just felt a little strange but not painful at all. I made an appointment to return in two weeks. I am still not allowed to use deodorant arrrrrrgggg. I am allowed to shave my armpits tho. YAY!!! I went home and had some lunch then took a short nap. When I woke up it was starting to hurt a little bit, like how a pulled muscle feels. So I took me a pain pill even though it was mild…since I am no longer one of those people who toughs it out. I am not fond of pain so why have it :). It still feels a bit sore today but not too bad.

I have been doing my exercises and I am starting to get more range of motion in my arms. I can push with my arms now to get out of the recliner and can almost get my hands to the back of my head to do a ponytail. I’ve been wearing my hair down the past few days to give my hubby a break. Oh look Sense and Sensibility is on…I think I’ll watch it (for like the 50th time :)

Crohns Disease update:
http://crohnsliveswithme.blogspot.com/

Look Ma…No Drains!!!

I saw the plastic surgeon on Tuesday and to my surprise he removed both drains. I really expected to have them in for at least one more week. He said everything looked good and he will start filling me up next week. I think I shall start calling his office Jiffy Boob :) He said everything else looks good. I am allowed to start getting the incisions wet which means real showers. I’ve been very excited about that. It feels so good to let the hot water run everywhere. It still hurts under my arms where the drains went in but thankfully it did not hurt at all when he pulled them out. Unfortunately I am still not allowed to use deodorant and soap and water does not seem to do anything to get rid of the smell. So far no one is complaining and I’m sure it bothers me more than anyone; after all I can’t get away from it. I also haven’t shaved my armpits so I feel very European :/ The overall pain is significantly less. It has become a very strange feeling. I am completely numb from the shoulder blades down to mid rib cage and armpit to armpit. That area also feels very hard to the touch. I think that might be due to the expanders. Even though the area is numb it feels like I have a very tight bra across the front or a board taped to my chest. I guess you could now say I am flat as a board lol. I also have a lot of extra skin stitched back toward my armpits. This skin will be used during the expanding process. This skin is numb also and feels very strange especially when I bring my arms forward or down on it. This will be a very interesting process. I’ve looked at my chest many times since that first peek. It looks very strange and ugly to me. I’ve heard that it is very upsetting for some women to see how it looks and the reality of their breasts being gone. I really haven’t experienced those feelings, not yet anyway. When I look at my chest and my incisions I don’t just see that my breasts are gone, more importantly I see and I know that the cancer is gone. That is what is most important. That is why I chose to do it this way.

For updates on my Crohns Disease journey go to:
http://crohnsliveswithme.blogspot.com/

Firsts and Lasts

The past couple months have been full of firsts and lasts. After I got the call telling me “Yes I have cancer”, even though it certainly had been there for some time, I started thinking about firsts. This is the first time I’ve been in my bathroom with cancer. (Yes I answered the phone in the bathroom but I was just doing my hair so don’t get all ewwww on me. You know you do it too. Where else would a person with Crohns disease be lol) Anyway this is the first time I’ve seen so and so with cancer. This is the first time I’ve gone to the high school with cancer. This is the first time I’ve been in the grocery store with cancer.

Now I’m going through the lasts. This is the last time I talk to so and so with cancer. Yesterday was the last time I’d go to the high school and grocery store with cancer. Ironically last Sunday was the first time I watched B play baseball with cancer and the last time I would watch him play baseball with cancer. On Friday I will be saying goodbye to Sugar and Spice (no I did not always have names for my boobs I just figured I should name them before they are gone). Sugar (used as a term of endearment) is the one on the left w/out cancer, kind and sweet. Spice (a pungent odor or fragrance (often used before a noun) is the one on the right with cancer, mean and brassy (brightly dressed in a cheap and showy way, and behaving too confidently or noisily). I kinda wish I did have names for them, if only to have a more personal relationship with them. Naaaaaaaa. I think tho I should have a more personal relationship with my new perky boobs. Maybe you can help me name them ;) Well regardless in a few days these boobs will be gone and when I’m feeling up to it I will let you know how everything went and how my hospital stay was (and all its diversions – Lucy: Sense and Sensibility) I just love Jane Austen and I think I will be reading and watching a lot during my recovery.

Anxiety??? Emotional??? Who Me???

Well I’ve had my pretesting done and October 22nd is creeping up on me. Ever since I got my surgery date its been like WOW Oct. 22nd is so far away. When I say Oct. 22nd it still seems far away…until yesterday when I realized Oct. 22nd is two weeks from tomorrow. Now Oct. 22nd is too close. I still can’t wait to get this over with but omg two weeks! All this time I’ve been wondering how much anxiety I’m going to have the week before and the night before. It’s crazy…I’m starting to have anxiety about having anxiety. Ahhh yeah, I’m sure my family is not at all surprised by this. I think I’ll be taking a lot of deep breaths for the next two weeks!!!

Today was an emotional day. I went to B’s high school (for those of you who don’t know my son is a senior this year and a baseball player. He has been looking at colleges and meeting with coaches). So as I said I went to the school to talk to the Athletic Director about the schools B is interested in. I know he has a lot of information and contacts so I’m hoping he can get his name out there some more and bring some coaches to some games this spring to see him play. He is very glad to help in any way he can. He thinks B is wonderful and a great player. Now for the emotional part…I also explained to him that I am having surgery and may not be able to help him much for the next few months. Now its been my recent experience that when I say to a MAN that I’m having surgery they just say “sorry to hear that” and don’t ask any questions. I think they are afraid it is woman stuff that they won’t want to hear about hahaha. Also I find it easier to talk about my breast cancer with someone who already knows. I can joke around about my boobs trying to kill me and that I’m going to have these new perky boobs and everyone is going to be jealous. Buuuuutttt when I have to tell someone who doesn’t know I get very emotional and being the great guy that GN is he asked…and I got very emotional. Ugh!!! I don’t like getting emotional in front of people who are not family or very close friends but he handled it very well and he didn’t ask to take me out to dinner??? Haha but that is another story.

Love and Support

My first phone call was of course to my husband at work. That was a very hard call to make but he is so supportive and strong. He did what he does best, assure me that everything will be ok and he is always right (but don’t tell him I said that :). Then the calls to my family and in case you don’t already know it I have the most wonderful family in the world. Within twenty minutes they began arriving at my house, to be by my side, to love me, to hug me, to cry with me, and we even laughed a little because that’s what we do best. They wouldn’t be anywhere else. Already planning how they would take care of me. Getting copies of my biopsy report, making phone calls to family and friends who know exactly what the report means and who can recommend great doctors and helping me plan what to do next. Yes they are the most wonderful family in the world.

Here are the details:

Diagnosis from core biopsy:
1. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, Intermediate Nuclear Grade
2. Lobular Carcinoma In Situ, Intermediate Nuclear Grade

Strongly positive for estrogen, strongly positive for progesterone
Negative HER-2/neu, score 1+

What to do next involved a lot of Doctors appointments and tests:
MRI Findings:
No chest wall involvement
The mass is about 2.2 cm

CT Scan:
Lungs clear. No nodules. No enlarged lymph nodes

Whole Body Bone Scan:
No evidence of bone metastases

My surgery is scheduled for October 22nd. My surgeon is wonderful and very good of course. He is very positive and so am I.

Because of my strong family history of breast cancer (mom, sister, first cousin) I am having a double mastectomy, reconstruction (Yay for perky boobs), followed by chemo, and 5 years of tamoxifen

I saw the plastic surgeon and he is wonderful as well. We went over all the options and decided on implants. Using my own tissue from my abdomen is out of the question because I have Crohns Disease and a large scar from surgery.

I was taking Cimzia for the Crohns but had to stop. I can’t be on any drugs that suppress the immune system. I am trying to stay relaxed and praying that the crohns beast will stay calm through all of this. I am usually what one might call a “worrier” and I have to admit that I cried almost nonstop through the testing and for about a week after the diagnosis but I am amazed (once I stopped crying) at how calm I’ve been. I do still have my moments but it is a calm that can only come from God. I am so blessed to have so many people praying for me.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

“My faith is strong because I know my God is faithful, and His faithfulness is my shield”