Darn!

Well I had my 3 week post-op appointment after my swap surgery and it looks like I may have to have some touchups done. Some of the extra skin is just not falling into place and therefore I have these small but annoying bulges off to the sides below my armpits. As per Dr. Jiffy Boobs instructions I have been massaging the areas to help smooth them out. I don’t think its very noticeable to anyone when I’m clothed, unless they are really examining the shape of my boobs (and if they are they deserve the ewwww that they get). Right now when I go out I wear one of my old bras. I took the underwires out of them (they are a no no). The bra hides the bulges and gives me a more natural shape. Yes that’s right my “old” bras!!! Even though I wanted to downsize I seem to be about the same size??? I think I look smaller but I guess not. Maybe because they aren’t saggy and they are up higher that makes them look smaller. I don’t know but I can tell you one thing… Ya know how your bra straps usually dig into your shoulders…well now that the bra isn’t really holding them up my straps keep falling off my shoulder.

I’ve been exercising and my arms are getting stronger and I’m getting my range of motion back. It still always hurts more on the right side and my left side is definitely stronger. I’m not exhausted all the time either which is wonderful. I still overdo it sometimes but it is getting easier and easier to do more things.

I’m still having lots and lots of hot flashes. It’s been very cold here which doesn’t seem to stop baseball coaches from playing games. So I have sat at 5 games so far in layers and layers of shirts, sweatshirts, and jackets and surprisingly enough I don’t have the hot flashes when I’m that cold. At one game I did but it felt good (for once). It warmed me up for a few minutes :) My head gets very cold. I have to wear a skull cap and at least two hats and then I also put my hood up.

My hair is starting to grow back in and it seems to be coming in straight and soft. Not course like everyone said it would. The best news is that it is coming back in dark…Yeah. Especially on the sides. I see gray on the top but right now it doesn’t look like much more gray than I had before and of course as soon as I can I will be dyeing it!

I go back to Jiffy Boob in early May so if I have to have more surgery it will be after that. I need to have my 6 month follow up with the surgeon in April but (if I can) I might try to schedule it the same day as Jiffy Boob.

More baseball today and right now it is 29 degrees…buuuuurrrrrr. Send me warm thoughts.

Xoxo

Swap!

Exchange, change, trade, switch, substitute….

If you haven’t guessed already I had my swap surgery about 2 weeks ago. It went very well. I was originally supposed to stay overnight but I was allowed to come home the same day :) It was a much easier surgery and no drains!!! I never even asked the doctor if I would have drains, I just assumed that I would. I was very happy to be wrong. Like I said it went very well. I wasn’t even that uncomfortable when I got home. Of course I was taking pain pills! I could definitely tell the expanders were gone. The implants are much more comfortable, softer. I was required to wear the very attractive and oh so uncomfortable compression bra yippie! I was told to leave it intact until my follow up appointment in one week :( This was disappointing…I wanted to see how they looked sooooooooo after a few days I peeked hee hee. I just kinda pulled different areas of the bra away from the boobs. I couldn’t really see that much but I could see that the cleavage was much nicer (not as wide). I was disappointed to see there was still some extra skin on each side. Hubby seemed to think it was just swelling. I went for my follow up and got to take the bra off. When I told him that I hadn’t really seen them yet he asked why. I told him that the discharge nurse said not to take the bra off. He said well they are yours you are allowed to look at them! Hahaha! Upon examination there was still swelling but there also is some extra skin. Dr. Jiffy Boob told me I need to massage it every day. I did some research and read that after about six weeks everything should fall into place so to speak. I’ve already noticed improvement since last week. I have to do my stretching exercises again. I’ve lost some range of motion. He gave me the green light to use my 3 lb weights while walking on the treadmill. I’m so glad to be able to exercise again. I’m tired of being a couch potato. I’ve got to get these arms into shape for the tank top summer coming up. What am I saying…I’m already wearing tank tops. I’ve started taking the tamoxifen and I am having hot hot hot flashes (I’m having one right now). I don’t know how I’m going to get through all the baseball games. I go back to see Dr. Jiffy Boob next week. Hopefully he will be happy with my settling process. I hope everything falls into place…I don’t want to have more surgery…but I will if I have to. I’ve gone through a lot for these Ta Ta’s. I want them to look their best.

Speaking of baseball, B has his first scrimmage game today on the high schools brand new turf field. I am so excited but I know I’m going to have to dress in layers. The high today is 41 and it is always very windy at the field. I have to dress warm but when I have hot flashes it will be awful. I’ll be peeling layers off and then putting them back on only to peel them off again. I know one thing for sure, I won’t be wearing my wig. I don’t want it to blow off :) Hats are the plan for baseball games. J went on his spring baseball trip to FL. The team did very well, 6-2. He has a double header today (away). His first home game is Friday. I’m looking forward to going to that.

My hair is starting to grow back. It is still very fine like peach fuzz. So far it is still dark Yeah! So many people have told me that their hair came back all gray. I already had some gray hair so I know that will be back and I did dye it and will dye it again as soon as I have too!!! The hair on my legs is also coming back. I have to shave about once a week. So far no armpit hair!!! I wouldn’t mind if that didn’t come back!

Well I’m going to relax before the game….GO TEAM(s)
xoxo

Looking Back!

Yesterday it was 6 months since I received my biopsy results. In some ways it feels longer than that. So many tears at first. The recovery from the surgery is foggy but went very well and seemed to go quickly (I'm sure the pain medication helped). I think the chemo is what made it feel so long. That was just awful. Looking back it really did go quickly. Some people have a much longer more difficult road with their cancer. I know I still have another stretch of road to getting my strength and energy back. There will also be the recovery from the swap surgery but I think and pray that that will be easier than the mastectomy surgery. It certainly is more exciting. If I had a choice I would certainly choose no cancer over new perky boobs but if I have to have cancer I’ll take the new perky boobs too :) I have learned some things too. I always knew that my family was wonderful. They have taken such good care of me and given me so much love and support. My heart breaks for people who do not have family in good and bad times. I have been surprised to learn some things about friendship. There are the close, very good friends who have been so wonderful and supportive. There are the close, very good friends who I really thought would be there for me but have seemed to disappear. I don’t blame them for this. Cancer is a very difficult thing to face for many reasons and not just for the person who has it. I will always consider them friends and if they reappear I will welcome them back with open arms. There are the friends who maybe you haven’t known as long or been as close to that surprise you with so much love and support. Then there are the new friends who I have been so fortunate to meet. Who I would have not had the opportunity to know if I hadn’t had cancer. Some of them will be my friends forever. Some I may never see again but we shared some time together and shared our experiences. I will always consider them friends and I will remember them forever. Now that I am a survivor I look forward to spending more time with all my wonderful family and friends and making even more friends along the way.
xoxo

Adios Chemo…Hello Boobies!

Well hello everyone. Its been a while since I’ve posted and a lot is happening. I had my last chemo on Feb. 8th and I’m happy to report that it went well just like the one before. I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that I don’t have to have anymore. With the first three chemos the side effects seemed so much worse because all I could think about was how I can’t do this again. After this last one I felt like I could deal with the side effects better because I knew that I wouldn’t have to do it again. Right now all the major side effects are gone. I am just left with exhaustion and very weak muscles. My last blood work was ok except for low iron. I go back to see the oncologist in April so if I’m not back to normal levels she will probably want me to have an iron infusion again. I am supposed to start the Tamoxifen next week. I’ve already been having hot flashes since the chemo and one of the side effects of Tamoxifen is hot flashes. I think its going to be a long summer. I am hoping to start easing back into my walking and exercising routine this week. I had a jiffy boob appointment today and had my 7th and final fill. I will have my swap (expanders for implants) surgery next Wednesday March 2nd. I can’t believe its time already. It will be so nice to get these expanders out. I’m told that my hair should start growing back around a month after the last chemo which will be next week. I was mostly wearing hats around the house but now I’ve mastered tying a scarf so I’ve been wearing them a lot. I wear the wig when I go out and everyone who doesn’t know about the chemo can’t even tell I’m wearing a wig. Everyone who does know is amazed how good the wig looks. I’m glad I went with the more expensive one because not only does it look nice it is comfortable. Well I’m starting to get uncomfortable from the jiffy boob filling so I’m going to relax now and maybe take a nap :) I will let you know how the swap surgery goes and how my new boobs look Yippie!

xoxo

But…..

When it comes to caregivers my hubby is the BEST of the best of the best! I have had many many surgeries during our married life. As a matter of fact my first major surgery was 1 year and 4 months after we got married. This wonderful man has had to do things for me that no one wants to do (even for the ones they love the most). I guarantee you most newly married men would have run away screaming and never looking back. Most men period would have run if not the first time surely the second, and most definitely the third or fourth time. Not my guy, he takes care of everything I need. Takes care of our boys and everything they need. Takes care of everything around the house, all this while he is working a full time very demanding job.

BUT he cannot put my hair into a ponytail to save his life!

I guess I can let that slide :)

For updates on my Crohns Disease journey go to:
http://crohnsliveswithme.blogspot.com/

Bye Bye Cancer, Bye Bye Boobs

Cancer free, cancer free, it’s great to be cancer free!!!

Well I am officially cancer free (and for the moment boob free). My expanders are in place and I think I will be starting the filling process in a few weeks. I had my follow up appointment with the breast surgeon yesterday (which went well, more on that below) and I will see the plastic surgeon on Tuesday (I will be sure to let you know how that goes). During my short hospital stay they were very happy with how I was healing. Most of my pain has been in the armpit area (where the lymph nodes were removed) and where the drains are. I don’t remember a whole lot about my hospital stay except that my wonderful family was by my side the whole time. My hubby spent both nights with me which was a good thing because he spent most of that time scratching my itchy spots about every 30 seconds. The anesthesia and the morphine made me so itchy. During the day I felt like Cleopatra only instead of people on either side of me fanning they were scratching.

My surgery was Friday and I came home Sunday. Kind of quick but I was happy to go home until I got very car sick. That made for a horrible day. The doctor called in a script that was very helpful. Since then I have had good days and bad days. I think the pain medication makes me feel light headed and nauseous some times (not to mention giving me CRAZY dreams). Not having the full use of my arms is not much fun and very hard. I don’t have much range of motion right now. I have started doing my exercises so that should help. Showers are an interesting experience since the plastic surgeon doesn’t want me to get my incisions wet yet. I am not the most pleasant smelling person these days either. I am not allowed to use deodorant yet…blah. I can barely stand the smell of myself. My hubby, sister, and sister in law have spent the week taking care of me plus lots of company from family. Family and friends have also sent over lots of food which has been very helpful.

Right now I have a lot of numb areas. The most uncomfortable thing is the drains. I can’t wait to get those out. That will be up to the plastic surgeon.

I hadn’t looked at my boob-less chest yet and I was thinking of waiting till Halloween to check it out (I thought that would be appropriate :) but then I thought I better look before I see the breast surgeon in case I had any questions. Before I looked I imagined the worst thing I could. The reality was a little worse. Mainly all the extra skin. It doesn't bother me tho. As I said it is great to be cancer free. This of course will also improve as the plastic surgeon does his thing.

Speaking of the breast surgeon my appointment with him went well. The skin and incisions look very good. When you have breast tissue removed the surgeon leaves the skin very thin and sometimes the skin can die which makes the skin turn black. I have almost no areas of black. He said there may be some near the incision but it is hard to tell with all the steri-strips. The pathology is back. The tumor was a little bigger than they thought, 3cm not 2. The left side breast tissue and sentinel lymph nodes were all clear. One of the sentinel nodes on the right had a micro metastasis (a very small cluster of cancer cells, not enough to warrant going back in to take the rest of the nodes out). This will most likely change the chemo treatment a bit. I have an appointment with the Oncologist scheduled for November 12th. I will let you know how that goes too.

Firsts and Lasts

The past couple months have been full of firsts and lasts. After I got the call telling me “Yes I have cancer”, even though it certainly had been there for some time, I started thinking about firsts. This is the first time I’ve been in my bathroom with cancer. (Yes I answered the phone in the bathroom but I was just doing my hair so don’t get all ewwww on me. You know you do it too. Where else would a person with Crohns disease be lol) Anyway this is the first time I’ve seen so and so with cancer. This is the first time I’ve gone to the high school with cancer. This is the first time I’ve been in the grocery store with cancer.

Now I’m going through the lasts. This is the last time I talk to so and so with cancer. Yesterday was the last time I’d go to the high school and grocery store with cancer. Ironically last Sunday was the first time I watched B play baseball with cancer and the last time I would watch him play baseball with cancer. On Friday I will be saying goodbye to Sugar and Spice (no I did not always have names for my boobs I just figured I should name them before they are gone). Sugar (used as a term of endearment) is the one on the left w/out cancer, kind and sweet. Spice (a pungent odor or fragrance (often used before a noun) is the one on the right with cancer, mean and brassy (brightly dressed in a cheap and showy way, and behaving too confidently or noisily). I kinda wish I did have names for them, if only to have a more personal relationship with them. Naaaaaaaa. I think tho I should have a more personal relationship with my new perky boobs. Maybe you can help me name them ;) Well regardless in a few days these boobs will be gone and when I’m feeling up to it I will let you know how everything went and how my hospital stay was (and all its diversions – Lucy: Sense and Sensibility) I just love Jane Austen and I think I will be reading and watching a lot during my recovery.